Woman refuses to reference an ex‑friend of 6 years, Daniel, for new job after he threw her under the bus and blamed her for failed project

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  via Meg Aghamyan

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• AITAH for refusing to be a reference for my ex-friend and possibly costing him a job?

  
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• A former friend spends years moving through the same industry, crossing paths, doing the usual networking dance. Then one project blows up and instead of owning his part of the mess he picks a scapegoat and it happens to be the person who trusted him the most. He blames delays on their work even though he personally okayed every extension and never raised a red flag until it was time to shift blame. The fallout is real there are lost clients and damaged relationships and the response is not an apology but a shrug and a line about protecting the project.  

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• They drift. There is no hard confrontation no big blowup just quiet distance and mutual understanding that something is off. Then, years later, after zero contact, the same person shows up asking for a favor. He wants a professional reference for a senior role at a solid agency and acts like all the history is just background noise. He is asking the person he once threw under the bus to now stand up and wave a flag for him.  

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  via Getty Images

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• The answer is no. That does not make the person the villain it just makes them not willing to guarantee someone who already proved they can and will shift blame when it matters. The fact that he calls it sabotage for not participating says more about him than about anyone else. He wants credit for past work without the baggage of past behavior. Dating is not the only thing that feels like auditioning for a role that is already cast.

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